Q: Who would David Murray play in Lord of the Rings ?

A: Legolas



Q: What do Rangers fans and mushrooms got in common?
A: They both sit in the dark and feed on nothing but crap.



Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.



Walter Smith is going to the Gers halloween party as a pumpkin.
Come midnight I bet he still hadn't turned into a coach.



Barry 'the Bazman' Ferguson walks into a bar with a pile of dog crap in his hand and says to the bartender...'Look, I nearly stood in this!!'



Q: How is a pint of milk different then a hun?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!



Q: What's the difference between a Hun and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human being.



Q. What's Blue, white, red and funny?
A: A bus load of Rangers supporters going over a cliff.




There's a rumour going about that if you buy a season ticket at Ibrox then you get a free space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere...



Q: How do you save a blue nose from drowning?
A: Take yer foot aff his heid.



Q: What's the difference between a busload of Rangers fans and a Hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.



Q: What do Haemhorroids and Gers Fans have in common?
A: They're both a complete pain in the arse and never seem to go away completely



Q: What do Beckham and Rangers FC both have in common?
A: Both got F***ked by Victoria



Q: Why did the Gers fan NEVER cross the road?
A: He was waiting for the Green Man to turn Orange.

Q: If you see a Celtic fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve and hit him?
A: You don't want to damage your bike, do you?



Q: Do you know what Celtic really stands for?
A: A: Celtic Even Lost To Inverness Caley



It's with great sadness that I report Celtic Park was broken into last night. The entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. Strathclyde police are believed to be looking for a man with a green carpet.


Q: What would you call 2 Celtic fans going over a cliff in a green Renualt Espace?
A: A complete waste of space. You could have squeezed 8 of them into one of those.


An old man hands over 50 quid to the turnstyle operator at Celtic Park
Man: Two please.
Turnstyle Operator: Sir, will that be Defenders or Strikers?


Majeic Zarawski's wife wanted him locked up - she had had enough of the eejit.
So she went to the police and told them: "Please Help, my husband has been hitting me."
The Police gave sound advice: "Ma'm, don't worry. Just carry a goalpost in each hand - I guarantee he'll never hit you."



There's a rumour that after the Carling sponsorship expires, Celtic have lined up a new sponsor - Tampax.
The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.



Q: What's the difference between a Tim and a bucket of crap?
A: A: The bucket...



I'm glad to report that a new green and white Oxo Cube will be introduced early next year. It will be called "Laughing Stock".



Q: What do you call a Tim in Europe after Xmas?
A: A tourist...


How do you get a one armed Irish Celtic fan down from a tree? ... wave at him...


Q: Why did the Tic fan cross the road?
A: Cos Sutton was on shooting practice.



Q: How do you keep a Celtic fan busy?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Top of the league and hibs are second! Lets all laugh at Rankers some more!

2 years running Rangers win the bubble bursting award for thinking theyre actually gonna win something!

The Gulf Remains!!